After the navy I turned to drink and drugs; Here is what saved me

This sentence is based on a conversation with Shawn Ryan, a former Navy Seal and CIA operator and host of the “Shawn Ryan Show”. It was processed for length and clarity. Ryan is not a doctor. Psilocybin is illegal in the US states and most states. There is no medical consensus whether it has advantages, including those described below, and the medication comes with Risks.

When I left the Navy, I was not ready for what came next.

I have been a seal for five and a half years. Then I worked as a contractor at the CIA. The pace remained high. I have 60 days on 60 days, sometimes 45 and 45. I was still hard and lived in combat or flight mode. When that ended, I crashed.

I didn't know how to slow down. I was not used to dealing with normal life. I only knew intensity. I needed this adrenaline hit every day – and if I could no longer get it from missions, I found other ways.

I came into sleeping pills. Ambia, Valium, Xanax, Lorazepam – they call it, I took it. I also used opiates such as hydrocodone and tramadol. Finally I pulled out of the country and started to live in Medellín, Colombia. I really got into cocaine there.

I would go to the worst districts that I could find to score. I didn't just want to do it, I wanted the risk of feeling something. When that got bored, I went to another country and do it again.

At my lowest point I drank two fifths of vodka a day. I would wake up with mini bottles that were hidden around the house – under pillows, in drawers, in the car, in my coat pockets. After dinner I went into the freezer, pulled out a bottle, and so I would wash off my sleep medication. Except at the end, they didn't even fell asleep.

In the morning I would take a stimulant – adderall or something else – to start the cycle again. That was my life. It took years.

The “death experience” that has changed my life

Finally I met a point where I knew I couldn't go on. A friend told me about psychedelic therapy, and I decided to try.

The first was ibogaine. It is a 12-hour experience. I have seen my whole life from a different perspective. Every memory, every trauma – everything is there.

After the Ibogaine effects had expired, I made another psychedelic named 5-Moo-DMT, sometimes referred to as “Gottmolecül”. The trip is described as an ego death or death experience.

It was the most intense and most intuitive that I've ever felt. I came out of it and saw the world differently.

I could feel how energy flows from the ocean and through the trees to the coast. For the first time in my life, I realized that everything is connected. Everything is one. That hit me in a way that never had.

When I came back from this psychedelic experience, I no longer needed the pills. I didn't need the vodka. I left everything.

I've been sober for two and a half years. I stopped smoking cannabis. I stopped using stimulants. And for the first time in a long time I was fully present with my family.

This experience has changed everything. I gave me a second chance.

That's why I publicly talked about it in my podcast, the “Shawn Ryan Show”. I wanted other veterans – other people like me – know that there is a way out.

Many of them went through the same thing – addiction, trauma, broken families, thoughts of suicide. When you hear that someone else has made it, believe that you may be able to do it too.

So many of us come back. We lose ourselves. We spiral. But healing is possible. Restoration is possible.

If you have a unique military story you want to share, please send an e -mail to the publisher Jessica Orwig, at jorwig@businessinsider.com.

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This story was adapted Ryan's interview For the series of Business Insider “,”Authorized account.“In the video below, learn more about his life before and after the marine's sea disadvantages: