Dod introduces “don't ask, do not say” to deal with leaks

Note from the publisher: This article is purely satirical and fictional. All attributions in this article are not real, and this story should only be read in the context of pure entertainment.

To the department (Re: What's going on with all these leaks?),

With international tensions and security concerns on an all -time high, the management of the department is considering introducing a proven protocol in order to remedy the current frequency of security leaks that are mentioned Don't ask, don't say it (Dadt).

You may believe that you are familiar with this guideline, but we assure you that we have updated you to be more “over time”. Don't ask for security violations and we don't tell you. In view of the efforts of DOGES to reduce bureaucratic inflation, we believe that this directive effectively stops data leaks at no cost. The way it works is easy. Do you have a question about the leaks? This is a trick question: you don't.

As we know, the reporting on these topics only makes it difficult for us to defend everyday Americans from global threats, and causes a lot of state expenditure for the police, protocol, annoying whistleblower, legal costs, campaign smears, bribes and cover -ups. As we see it, there can be no data leak if nobody knows about it. There are no concerns if nobody has any concerns. We would rather waste the time or attention of the American people with as frivolous things as classified information. You earn it better.

We are more in a nutshell that the constant discussion about “Lecks”, which does not affect most of the department, is offset by our company success. As a proud member of the Ministry of Defense, you have more important things you have to worry about. By tightening the process of your concerns (by not taking them into account), we believe that this guideline will improve the interior -part mental camaraderie and restore institutional loyalty. Affairs such as Secdefs Use of Signal are completely private for SECDEF and their personal life. Your continued questions would “an unacceptable risk of the high standards for morality, good order and discipline as well as the cohesion of the units that are the essence of military skills” (10 USC § 654 (b)).

So if we go forward, we expect that all DADT editions are closed and included to prevent further damage to the department. Every person who violates this guideline is fully pursued by the law. We are sure that DADT does not cause perverse or unintentional consequences for our future (including potential DADT editions in our department members) if you do not discuss or do not mention any concerns about the treatment of sensitive information from the department. Thank you for your understanding and we look forward to not hearing from you.

Sincere,

[NAME REDACTED for National Security Concerns]