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Less there

I recently saw a repetition of an episode of “The Orville”. The episode in particular has pretty much followed me since it first came out. The scaryest, treacherous “alien” of everyone was unveiled. The crew visits a planet on which every person bears a badge that shows their public approval rate. Any interaction – every outfit, every facial expression, an extraordinary comment – can bring you an upvote or downvote. Enough negative voices and they are convicted by public opinion. It is terrible. And strangely familiar. Don't we wear all of these badges in any form?

We all long for approval, even if we are deep, even if only a little down. We may have done the hard work to become aware of themselves and accept ourselves. But this inner teenager who wanted to be liked appears from time to time. The sociologist Charles Cooley called this the “apparent self”-the idea that we based our self-image based on how we believe that others see us. Only the other day I felt great for a moment, and not five minutes later I found that someone I don't even know about thinking I don't think. Not terrible. Just not great. Suddenly my self -confidence began to wiggle.

Here is: I know that I am not perfect. Nobody is. I have made peace with my imperfections. They are part of my whole thing – sometimes annoying, sometimes lovable. I hardly notice them on most days.

But if someone gives them this metaphorical thumb down, it stabs. It is worse not to know the criteria with which you judge them. You may not even know you. How can you think of you so easily? Are we judged how we talk? What did we write? Is it something we did? Or maybe it has more to do with where you are in your life and in your mood. It could even be a story that was told about her. You can see that we can be judged by events or information that has little or nothing to do with us.

I reopened my pottery studio last year. I published a book. I started to tour through my amazing hometown. I stretched myself – came out of my comfort zone. And I undoubtedly loved it! That means until someone didn't love me back. I am sure that you felt that too. They enjoyed something until someone criticized it. Then the doubts came.

Whether in silence in our heads or publicly stated, we seem to be constantly measured. Social media encourages it. So also websites like Yelp and Amazon. And I understand it – reviews can be helpful. My husband and I use reviews and leave them when we travel. Think of campground, rental house, restaurant or hiking trail. But now that I am in a lifetime in which I am the product – author, tour guide, studio artist – feels different. Personal. Vulnerable.

When I said to my husband, how exposed I suddenly felt, he said something wiser and beautiful: “If you had received perfect points all the time, what would you do?” I wanted to argue, but I couldn't. He's right.

We should all strive to be our best. Just not on request or because someone else orders it. And certainly not because someone gave them less than perfect points. Our life goals should not be to pursue the consent of others. Fortunately, we do not wear a badge on our shirt that represents the public acceptance of us. We should want to grow in the way that is important to us – mentally, creative, relatively relative. So try to improve in things that make a difference for you, your loved ones, maybe even the world.

This “Orville” episode, which I mentioned, ends as you would expect: with chaos. Life ruined through thoughtless voices. It is exaggerated, but it gets the point. The world is already in court. Maybe we could give the conversation a little more compassion, a little more friendliness.

So keep going. Sit out there. Try new things. Risk can be assessed. Yes, it can be scary, but choose the appearance. This is growth. That is courage. And it's enough.

Lesslee there, a north -east Michigan north, is a writer, thinker and lifelong explorer of human experience. Through their essays and guided magazines, fewer readers hopes to pause, reflect on themselves and with them around them and to contact them. Copies of your books can be bought in the Alpena News. Achieve Lesslee by e -mail to lesslee@regardingthejourney.com. Read them here on the third Thursday of each month.

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